Without going into too many details, let’s just say it had been a long time since I’d had naked time with anyone other than my cat, who liked to stalk me during bubble baths.

After having moved back to Chicago to live with my gay best friend Devon (A cat AND a gay best friend? I truly am living the stereotype), I’d spent the winter in sexual hibernation.  Likely because I’d returned to the city completely drained of emotional energy after having invested so much of it into a theatre I’d been running and a few guys I should have run from.

When spring came and brought with it a week long visit from a friend who was traveling the country with his buddy, I felt myself begin to unfurl with the rest of the world in bloom.  It was so lovely to have young, male, straight energy in the house.  We had long talks about deeper meanings in life, drank way too much and howled at the moon, possibly literally but difficult to recall with memories clouded by the fog of whisky and PBR.

Regardless, once they’d left to continue their journey, I’d found myself ready to step outside of my cave.

Opening a bottle of wine, I began researching various dating sites and finally selected one that several of my friends had found success with, OkCupid.  Being a writer, it of course took me several hours and half the bottle before I felt I’d written an appropriately catchy introductory paragraph.

Then I thought long and hard about my previous request of the Universe.  Remembering how unexpectedly that desire had been filled, I decided to leave everything up to the will of the Universe.  Possibly the lazy approach but I figured at the very least, I was likely to find something worth writing about.

I decided upon three simple rules:

  1. I would respond to every person who messaged me, regardless of my attraction to them.
  2. I would follow each story to its logical end, unless I felt unsafe.
  3. I would write about it.

Once I activated my account, it wasn’t long before messages began to pop up on my screen.

  • I’m looking for a girl who won’t cheat on me or play me.
  • Your pretty.  I like a girl who’s smart and won’t brake my heart.
  • Can I cum on your face?

Remembering my rules, I responded back to each message.

  • Sounds like you’ve been hurt in the past and I’m sorry to hear that.  I’m looking for someone with a more positive outlook.  I encourage you to not carry your past experiences over into your new ones.
  • Thanks you’re very kind.  I’m not much of a heart breaker to be honest.  
  • I’m sure you’re physically capable of cumming on my face but this is not the face you’re looking for.  You can go about your business.  Carry on.

As similar messages continued to flood in, I decided that perhaps I didn’t actually have to respond to every single one and instead turned my attention to browsing my profile likes.  One guy in particular stood out, mainly because he’d given my profile such a high ranking.

Curious, I clicked on his profile to check him out.  He wrote in a rambling fashion, but his profile made me laugh and his pictures were attractive so I sent him a message.

A few minutes later, I received his response.  He thanked me for my interest and then went on to tell me that while he tended to find more athletic women attractive, he liked my profile and suggested we start a friendship and see if attraction developed from there.

I’m not sure if it was the almost empty bottle of wine but I was completely stung.

I knew what “not athletic” meant.  It meant fat.  While I wasn’t exactly running marathons, I didn’t consider myself in danger of having to be air lifted out of my house any day soon.  But he’d been so polite and I was required by my rules to respond.  So I did.

  • One certainly can’t help what they find attractive and friendship seems the way to begin any journey worth having.

Again, his response was quick.

  • Wow what a great response, I like you already.

It wasn’t long before we were messaging away like old friends and then texting and chatting on the phone daily.  Inevitably it became time to meet up…


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  1. Can’t wait to read what happens next!!!

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