So, I’ve been doing online dating for a bit now. I haven’t been posting about every guy but some of them just really stand out from the crowd. Like last week’s.

We had been exchanging texts and phone calls for about a week and he seemed interesting enough for a meetup. So, I leave the location up to him.

My first mistake.

He chooses Cracker Barrel.

Now nothing against the ol’ Barrel. I used to work there and I do love the food. However, it is NOT a great location for a first date. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the large echoing room.

We meet in front and while he was attractive, he was not the 6’1″ his profile claimed. Not that this fact really matters to someone only 5’2″ but it did stand out as a “not quite truth”.

We sit down to order and I ask him about his job.

My second mistake.

He’s a social worker and he proceeds to go on about how, “Everyone’s baby daddy is in jail or going to jail. The Mexicans are ok but I’ve been chased by the blacks and jumped by the blacks.”

And I couldn’t help thinking, “maybe they’re jumping you because you’re racist?”

Needless to say, I finished the date as soon as I could and then left. We had an awkward goodbye in the parking lot and as I drove away, I thought to myself, “Awesome, he’s as unimpressed by me as I am by him.”

Then I got his text.

“Nice breasts.”

To which (because I think I’m so damn funny) I respond, “I thought you were more of a butt man.”

To which he responded, “Well I couldn’t see your butt in that skirt.”

I responded, “I guess I keep my best assets hidden.”

Silence.

I guess he has no sense of humor.

Then much later I get a text, “Would you let a man penetrate you all three ways?”

My first thought was, “Sure, but not you.”

Then I realized that despite my sense of humor and the amusing story this was going to make, it was best to firmly cut this off.

So I said, “I think we’re looking for different things, I wish you well.”

Why do I feel the need to even let the creepers down easy?

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